Google Me Google You

Have you ever googled yourself? I think my mother googled herself before I googled myself. She told me to look up her name on Google; she wanted me to see that a Google search would bring up information about her and the book club she started for children. I did the search, and it was true- a google search of my mother's name brought up several links that were actually related to her. So, tonight rather randomly I googled me. I typed in my name Zarinah Muhammad, and taaa daaa, the return brought a few links truly related to me. The second link was more about my dad than me; I was just listed as one of his daughters when he passed away.

There were several links that were not about me but about other women who share my name. I find that rather puzzling, other women sharing my name. When I was a little girl, I never met another Zarinah, yet alone another Zarinah Muhammad. When I was 18, a sister from the masjid told me that she named her daughter Zarinah. I remember feeling a little irritated by it. I liked that my name had always been unique and original. Someone else having it seemed to diminish my name's value. When I was 19 years old, I went to audition for Singled Out, that old MTV show with Jenny McCarthy, and I saw my name on the audition list; only it was the signature of some other girl who was a year younger than me. That shocked me. I was like, "Wow, a Zarinah living in Las Vegas who shows up the same day as I do to audition for Singled Out!" It was really crazy to me. Years later, I called California traffic court about a ticket I received while driving through Baker. The officer on the phone pulled up another Zarinah Muhammad who had also gotten a ticket; however, she was three years older than me. Again, I was amazed. I wasn't the first Zarinah Muhammad? I know that it was narcissistic of me to want to believe that I had been the first Zarinah Muhammad to have ever existed, but my whole life, it had felt like I was.

I wasn't surprised tonight when I saw the significant numbers of Zarinah Muhammads out there. I was surprised, however, to see Zarinah Muhammad, J.D. It was like seeing myself in the future. I know it's weird and silly, but I felt like it was a sign, this sign that everything is going to turn out the way I want it, a sign that I'll finish law school. I clicked on the link of Zarinah Muhammad, J.D., and it brought up a pdf page from Alabama Metropolitan College listing Zarinah Muhammad, J.D., research analyst, office of of institutional research, planning and assessment. The connection between the Zarinah Muhammad, J.D. and myself continued to strike me.

When I was working on my doctorate degree, one of our professors stated that with our Leadership doctorates we could one day work in the field of institutional research; listed above Zarinah Muhammad, J.D. is Mark A. Cunningham, PhD. The funny thing is that the two together merge two aspects of my life, my past and my future. Before I got accepted into law school, I was working on getting my doctorates degree. I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer, but I didn't want to waste time that I could be spending earning my doctorate if by chance I was not accepted in the Boyd Law School at UNLV. So, I continued on with my doctorate program until I learned that I had made it into law school. The day the acceptance letter arrived, I remember being so nervous after pulling it out of the mailbox. After I read it, I felt my heart skip with joy in circles for days, never ending. I still smile when I think of how blessed and happy I felt knowing that I was being given the chance that I had always wanted. I wonder if the other Zarinah Muhammad felt that way when she got her acceptance letter from law school, and I wonder how she met up with the institutional research doctorate.

I wish now that I had never went to work on my doctorates because that is why I don't have anymore financial aid eligibility. If I hadn't taken loans out for the year I spent on my doctorates, I would have enough to get me through at least another full year of law school. Although when I really think about it, there is a good chance that having that year of school towards my doctorates under my belt was a part of the reason I was accepted into Boyd. It's probably best just to be grateful and lose the regrets.

Googling yourself may not bring up information that you wanted to see, and it may bring up information that you wish weren't there; but, googling yourself allows you to see something greater: a view of the many possibilities of you. Right now, I'm Zarinah Muhammad high school English teacher and law student. Three years from now, I pray to be Zarinah Muhammad, J.D. and mommy.

Google yourself, and post here in the comment area the types of people out there that share your name. Who are the Google Yous?